Thursday, August 6, 2015

EVERYONE IS DEAHT NIGHTS


A WARDUKE IS YOU!

SO THIS IS A GAME FOR PELPEL WHO WAN BE DEFH KIGHTS

IT IS TON SUITABLE FORP PEOPLE HWO WHO BABBIES OR MABYE PERGNANT MOTHERS.THOS PEOPLE SHOULD GO TO THE FARMERS AMRRKET AND BUY THE THINGS THAT THEY NEED TO MAKE A SNAICE FURUIT SALAD, AND THEN MABY E EATH THAT FRUIT SALAND.

THOS PEOPEL WHO WANTS TO BE DEF NGIHTS SHOULS BE KEEP READING

DEAFTH KNGIHTS ROLL 4D6-DROP LOWEST FOR PHSYICAL STATS AND 3D6 FOR METAL STATS

DEAHT NIGHTS ARE LEVEL 5 HD 5 WITH +5 TO HIT LIKE FIGHTINGS MEN

DEATH KNIGHTS HAVE EVIL SORDS WHAT SHOOT SNAKE LASERS
THEY
ALSO HAVE TWO ABILITIES FROM THIS TABLE HERE

ROLLS 2 RANDOMLY

1. EXPLODE HEADS
2. RAISE ZOMBIES
3. TERRIFY PEOPLES
4. SUMON SATAN
5. EVERYBODY DIES
6. RETURN FROM DEATH ALIVE
7. EVIL FUCKIN HORSE
8. STEAL SOLES

SNAKE LASERS - YOU SHOOT A SNAKE FROM YOUR FINGERTIPS -- 3D6 PISSOIN DAMAAGE LIKE AN ARROW SAVE FOR HALF AND ON A HIT SNAKES BITE THEIR EYES

EXPLODE HEADS - PEASANT MUST SAVE OR THEIR HEAD EXPLODES.  IF PEASANT SAVES DATH NIGHT TAKES 1D6 DAMAGE OF ANNOYANC

RAY'S ZOMEBIES - CAST WHEN THERE ARE DAD PEOPEL AROUND YOU.  ALL DEAD POPES COME AS ZOMBIES HD 2 WHO ARE LAYOL TO YOU.  BUT IF YOU LEAVES THEM ALOEN--OH NOES--THEY START EATINGS EATH OTHERS

TERRIFY PEOPLES - YOU DO SOMETHING BADASS LIKE BITE OFF YUR TONGE ANS SPIT IT AT PEOPLE WHILE LAUGHITNG.  EVERYONE RUNS AWAY LIKE TURN UNDEAD, EXCEPT ON LIVING PEOPLES.  EXCEPT BABIES AND CHILDREN BECAUSE BABIES DIES FROM BEING SO SCARRED

SUMMUN SATAN - SATAN SHOWS UP BUT BOY IS HE PISSED.  YOU BETTER BE IN REAL TROUBLE, LIKE HALF OF YOU ARE DEAD AND COVERED N ANTS.  IF EVERYONE IS STILL ALIVE HE WILL BE SUPER PISSED AND JUST EATH A DEATH KNGIHT AND THEN LEAVE.  OTERWISE HE WILL BE LIKE OKAY, FINE, I GUESS I'LL HELP YOU AND HE WILL EAT SOME PALADIN OR OMETHING THIENA LEAVE.

EVERYBODY DIES - GIANT SKULL COMET FALLS ON YOU DOES 12D6 DAMAGE TO EVERYONE IN AREA, SAFE FOR HAVE, THEN IT RAINS BLOOD FOR 3D6 DAYS AND ALL ANIMALS GROW EXTRA GOAT HORNS

RETURN FROM DEATH ALIFE - IF YOU DIED DEAD, YOU CAN RETURN WITH ONE LESS HD.  ALSO YOU ARE SHORTERS AND IT IS HALARIOUS

EVIL FUCKGN HORSE - YOUR HORSE IS A 4 HD WARHORSE WITH PLATE BRADDING THAT BREAFS FIRE (15" CUNE AND 3D6, ALSO IT EATS PEOPLE.  IT GETS AN EAT PEPLE ATTAK EVERY ROUND.  THE HORSE IS NOT MAGIC IT IS JUST SUPER ANDGRY AND SORT OF A DICK

STEAL SOLE - WHO EVER YOU MAKE KILLINGS WITH YOUR SWORD IS SUCKED ISNDIE YOUR SWROD AND THEY HAVE TO ANSER ANNIE QUESTONS YOU ASK THEM.  IF YOU MAKE FUN OF THEM YOUR SWROD CRIES LIKE BLOOD AND GIVES YOU +1 TO DAMAGES.

FRAZETTA SAYS YOU CAN HAVE AN AXE
IF YOU WANT
88888888888888888

THE ADVENTURE IS NOW

788888888888888888

YOU HAVE BEEN WITH THE AEVIL ARMRY FOR A LONG TIMES, BUT NOW THE EVIL ARMIE HAVE BEEN KILLED, AND YOU NECROMANCER BOSS IS DEAD NOT UNDEAD) FOR PERMANENT NOW.  THE NECROMANCER BOSS WAS PRETTY OKAY.

yOU MISSED THE FINALS BATTLES BECAUSE YOU WERE DRUNK OFF ANGLE TEARS AND SLEEP LATE AND SPENT TWO HOURS FUCIGNS AROUND WITH BREAKFAHST, AND PROBABLY SHOULD JUST NOT BOTHERED AND GOTTEN 7-11 INSTEAD

ANYWAY

NOW DEAHT KNGIHTS MUST TRAVIL BACK TO YOUR EVIL LAND FRO BEHING ENEMY LINES

YOU HAVE WITH YOU A CORSPE CATPUPLT (STATS AS CATAPULT)

IT CAN SHOOT NOT-CORPSES, BUT THE IMPS THAT RUN IT REFUSE TO THROW NOT-CORPSES, BECAUSE CORPSES ARE METAL AND THEY ARE IMMORTAL AND ALSO SORT OF ASSHOLES TOO

IN FROHNT OF YOU IS SOME PEACEFUL HIPPY KINGDOM

THEY ARE REJOICING BEAUCEUSE THEY THINK THEY THKILLED AL THE UNDEAD ARMIES AND DEATH KNGITHS, SO YOU'LL HAVE TO RUN THROUGH THEM REALY QUICK

FISRT OBSTACKEL IS A PARADE (BEDAUSE YOU FELL ASLEEP IN THE MIDDLE OF TOWN YOU DRUNKSARDS, IN A TAVERN BECAUSE ALL ADVENTURES STARTS THERE) THE PARADE IS FULL OF LIONS AND PALADINS AND NUNS AND A BOAT THAT THEY ARE DRAGGING THROUGH TOWN AND ABSOLUTELY NOT ANY LIONS  .  THERE IS ALSO A GIANT BARREL OF BEER ON WHEELS BEING PULLED BY FOUR HOURSES THAT SHOOT BEER AT THE CRWD.  THE PRINCESS IS THER TOO AND SHE NAME IS SAMANTHOR AND SHE IS GUARDED BY TWO ELVES WEARING ONLY FLOWERS

THERE ARE ALSO MAGES BUT THEY ARE IN THEIR TOWERS BEING NERDS AND WILL NOT SHOW UP UNLESS YOU TAKE A LONG TIME

SECOND OBSTACLES IS THE SWAMP.  IT IS FULL OF SERPENT PEOPLE WHO WILL TRY TO KILLL YOU WITH DRUGS AND SEXY DANCES OF NECROPHIDIUS LADIES.  IF YOU FOLLOW THE ROAD YOU'LL HAVE TO GO THROUGH A FOTRESS FULL OF CELEBRATING PEOPLS, BUT IF YOU GO THROUGH THE WAMP, YOU HAVE TO DITCH THE CORPSE CATUPOLT AND THE IMPS BUT THAT'S ROUGH BECUASE THE IMPS ARE BAD SPORST AND WILL SHOT AT YOU WHEN YOU LEAVE THEM IN THE MUCK

ALSO THERE ARE BILLIONS MOSQUITOES BUT THEY DIE WHEN THEY BITE YOU

ALSO THEIR ARE A BUNCH OF PALAINDS CHASING YOU IF YOU SLOW DOWN. THEY ALL HAVE DORKY SKWIRES AND ARE ALL BLOND, EVEN THE SKWIRES.  THEY ARE LED BY PALADIN NAMED CUMBERBATCH LORD ST-REGINALD

THIRD OSBSATCLE IS THE MOUNTAINS
- - -
IF YOU GOV OVER THE MONTANS, YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH GAINTS WHO THROW ROCKS BECAUSE THEY ARE SOBER.  ALL TEY WANT TO DO IS SING SONGS WRESTLE BIG ANIMALS AND GET DRUNK, SO THEY ARE FRUSTATED SO IS WHY THEY DO THE ROCKS.  A GIANT BARREL OF BEER IS NEEDED

IF YOU GO UNDER THE MOUNTAINS IT IS GOBLIN CAVE THAT SMELL LIKE FARTS.  THEY ARE FULL OF GOBLINS WHO SHOOT TINY ARROWS AT YOUR DICKS AND WHAT DROP TRAP-ROCKS ON YOU FROM UP ABOVE.  THERE TUNELS ARE A MAZE.  THEIR CHEEFES NAME IS GROINGRINDER AND HE LIVES IN A BIG CHAIR ANF IF YOU MAKE HIM DEAD THE GOBLIS WILL LEAV EYOU ALONE.

AND DONT FORGET! PALADANS AND THERE SKWIRES MIGHT STILL BE MAKING CHASES!

FOURTH OBSTACLE IS NOT ON OBSTACLES BECAUSE YOU WIN

YOU ARE BACK IN MORDOOR AND YOU ARE THE NEW DEATH KINGS

IT IS TIME TO SMACK LAZY ORC UNTIL THEY FORM ARMY
TELL SUBBUCUSES TO STOP MAKING OUT
AND THE IMPS TO STOP PLAYING WITH FIRE

BECAUSE IT IS EVIL TIME AND YOU MUST KILL FARMERS AND TRAMPLE THE CABBAGES

TREASURE

THE ONLY TREASURE IS HEADS AND SKELETON BUDDIES

XP

+1 XP FOR EVERY CABBAGE TRAMPLES


this post was written for #awesomegamerday
which is some idea +Jez Gordon had that rocks

it's also written as a cheap ripoff of
who is pretty much the most awesome gamer I know

he is probably dead or in prison
which sucks

 but if he's in prison
we should raise money
and buy him hours at the prison computer
so he can blog again
and hang out with me

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